Traveling from Toledo to Cleveland, Ohio (Warrensville Heights, specifically):

After a few missteps with mapquest, we decided to try yahoo driving directions. It seemed harmless, a little two hour jaunt from Toledo to Cleveland, how hard can it be?

We get to the Cleveland area without incident, the directions tell us to take this exit bear to the right. We do so and begin looking for the street we are supposed to turn on. We travel farther than the directions tell us we should and we have not yet seen the street. Just when we are about to turn around, we see the street that the hotel is on: Northfield Drive. We say "Oh, we can just get on this road and then find the hotel with the address numbers."

Unfortunately, this road winds through a few suburbs and each one feels obligated to change the address numbers. After traveling for a little bit, we decide to call the hotel. An actress uses my cell phone to call and speaks with the desk clerk who sounds exactly like Apu from The Simpsons. She explains that we are on Northfield Drive and we cannot find them. She also tells him that we are passing a race track on our left. He says "Oh, you have very close. Just continue on the road you are one and you will see us on the right."

Inspired, we continue. And continue. We come to the conclusion that we have screwed up somehow. Up ahead is less civilization and no sign of anything that looks like a hotel. The actress calls again, much to the annoyance of the desk clerk. Next to the race track we are passing again--this time on the right--we see a Ford plant. She asks him if they are near the Ford plant. Loud enough that I can hear it in the driver's seat he responds:

"NO!! We are not at the Ford plant!!! What are you doing?!?" (We get asked this a lot on this tour--reference the cop in Atlanta)

He assures us that we want the race track on our left and we will see the hotel. We are unconvinced. We continue as we are--with the race track on the right. The addresses are still not doing us any good. Another actress remembers that the tour of Charlotte's Web is in the same hotel and her friend is playing Wilbur. She calls him on her cell phone and he, of course, was asleep when they arrived at the hotel. But he does put us on with the Stage Manager. He explains that we are to the north of the hotel and he will come out and guide us in.

We pull into a parking lot of an ice cream store to wait for him. As we all are sitting out enjoying the sun, we hear:

Hsssssssssssssssssssssssss.

The rear, passenger-side tire of the cargo van deflates before our eyes.

Now, the cast on this tour have lived what I would call . . . nice childhoods (i.e., they could speak Martian before they could change a tire). The women immediately take action and whip out their AAA cards. I am expecting the other SM any minute and don't want to wait a half hour for a truck to show up and do what I can in twenty minutes. The ASM and I begin to change the tire. The actors are intrigued by this activity and it becomes a life-skills workshop--complete with a Q&A session.

After the tire is changed, the other SM calls me and tells me that we are further than he thought and he can't take the time to come all the way up to us. He says instead to just head south and we will see the hotel on the left. "The same side as the racetrack?" I ask. "No, the racetrack is on the other side." Is the reply.

So, we pile back into the van and continue south. And continue. And continue. And continue. We decide to call the hotel once more since we are obviously nowhere near anything remotely urban. The actress refuses to talk to the desk clerk again. The actor who I shared the room with in Atlanta volunteers to call.

Doug: Hello, yes, we are trying to find you and we are just having a doozy of a time.

Desk Clerk: You could not find the race track?

Doug: No, we passed it several times, we don't see you anywhere. We are now heading south on Northfield.

Desk Clerk: What are you near?

Doug: We are passing under Interstate 80.

Desk Clerk: Oh, boy. You are 40 minutes away.

Upon this news, I turn around and announce that we will drive north for 40 minutes and then look at where we are. After the allotted period of time, we look up and what do we see on our left? ANOTHER RACE TRACK!!!!!!!! There are two in the entire state of Ohio and they are BOTH on the NORTHFIELD DRIVE!!!!!!

As the clerk said, the hotel was right there. After vowing to kill the other SM and the idiot who approved putting both of these tracks on the same street we slumped into the most foul-smelling hotel rooms on Earth.